I wrote:

Yes, this year sucked for me personally.  I basically lost everything and started completely from scratch.  When I left my business, my family and my life in Syracuse I moved out with $2500, my kitchen gear, a camera bag full of gear and 2 computers…

I normally live on the edge of huge goals.  Not in 2011.

I want to write the post that needs writing.  Right now, that is a post about 2011 and getting ready for the new year.

Most of you already know I’m moving.  In two weeks I am packing up and moving to Melbourne, Australia.  I left Syracuse with nothing and since have gained the only thing I really care about – my amazing wife.  She has been busily setting up shop for us in Melbourne and I cannot wait to get to her.  Two weeks is so short and SO long when you want it to pass.

As I reflect on the past year and the next year to come, I can’t help but think about what a difference the last year has made.  A year ago I was lost.  THAT is the root of my struggle – both in life and microstock.  I struggled because I didn’t know which way to run.  Microstock.  Food. Photography.  Syracuse …

I have to admit now that I seriously thought about quitting and quitting microstock specifically.  Why do it?  Honestly, I’ve made my most microstock income ever this year already (2 months to go.)  I had that done 2 months ago.  In 8 months it was already my best year ever so why quit?  I just didn’t care about anything.  I didn’t care what crap I submitted or what crap sold.  I didn’t care as long as I pushed the button, the number grew and I could delude myself into thinking I was actually trying to hit some fantastical goal.

The darkest hour comes just before dawn?  Maybe.  I just knew I needed a break.  I haven’t submitted one new microstock image in 8 months.  I submitted 100 all year.  I’ve shot – and my backlog is huge – but I haven’t finished.  I didn’t care to finish.

I’ve watched the changes in microstock this year.  Let’s be honest – istock and fotolia giving contributors a bad deal is not new.  It happened in 2008, 2009, 2010 and 2011.  I’m not going to waste time deciding whether to keep submitting there – you either do or you don’t.  Shutterstock has added some great new stuff, Dreamstime is doing well for me.  DepositPhotos and a few other small sites are steadily growing.  I haven’t completely disregarded the idea of dumping all but 6 or 8 stocks but for now I’m happy with making my highest income ever in stock in 2/3 of a year.

When you are at a low point in your life the importance of things changes.  Both advertisers I had earlier in the year have dropped me for good reason (I don’t blog regularly enough – I know this.)  I have over 1100 subscribers to this blog and yet I feel like I really need to get back to writing for me.  That’s when NiltoMil was good.  When you don’t care and you can start over, it’s easy to figure out what you really want.

What does 2012 hold?  I MISS microstock.  I really do.  I will be shooting & submitting starting in December and I really do hope 2012 is a banner year for me.  I plan to blog, I plan to shoot, edit, submit … I plan to do it better than I’ve ever done it.  My life, which has been steadily falling apart for 5 years, is in a MUCH better place.  I’ve never been this happy with my direction, I’ve never been as happy with who I am and what I offer.  Maybe things will change but for now, that is my path.

I know this blog post is long, rambling and neither that informative nor funny/entertaining.  I need to post this for me – that’s what Nil is about: MY journey.  Some of this is news, some is not.  Some is depressing, some is exciting.  If you’ve been with me for the whole trip, I apologize for the delays.  I’m about to reboard and see what I can do.

I understand if my sporadic blogging, overzealous goals and depressing-before-now real life have been a bummer and you don’t want to continue reading.  For those who do, I’ll be here soon. I’m going to do my move and get settled and keep reflecting.  But I’m here.  Ready.